We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
