remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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