there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
