party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
