so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
