I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
