Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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