In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
