Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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