Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
