my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
