i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
