He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
