Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
