First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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