Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
