The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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