I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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