I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
