Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
