one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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