Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
