I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
