hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
