I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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