I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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