My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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