I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
