I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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