So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
