This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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