As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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