Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
