Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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