Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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