the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
