Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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