Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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