I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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