Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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