I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
