so explain again why im purple
no
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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