I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
