I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
