I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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