I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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