I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
