Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just pee around me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
