"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
