So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
