Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
