good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
