i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
